Have you ever sat around with your gearhead buddies and consumed a pint or 5 while looking at an automotive project of some sort? You know the scene: Johnny Wrench says “you know, we could put a big block in it and set a new lap record”. We’ve all done it at some point or another, hence the Tim Taylor phenomenon. RRRRR and all that good stuff. Top Gear is kinda like that. Except of course these blokes get paid to dream up all sorts of crazy automotive ideas and actually follow them through! Of course there is always a few cameras around to put all of their successes (and failures) on display for the whole world to see. These guys are gods just for convincing the Beeb to let them blow stuff up!
Of course, there are only so many hairbrained ideas 3 guys can come up with so they’ve come up with a bit of a marketing gig to launch the Season 10 dvd. The marketing folks have asked us (and a few other automotive bloggers) to get our readers thinking up a few wacky ideas in return for a free Season 10 dvd. That’s not exactly how they put it, but you can be darned sure the boys will be reading over a few of these suggestions to get some future inspiration. Here in The Garage, we’ll have a few dvd sets to give away, so we’ll do it in a few posts. All you’ll have to do is post a comment with your suggestion. The judging will be completely impartial. Who am I kidding? I’ll be giving them away to the person who makes me laugh the hardest!
So, today’s challenge: What would be the funniest car/truck/contraption to carry the boys to a new land speed record at Bonneville? Of course Hammond already tried the rocket car route with limited success, so that option is out of the question!
Just in case you’ve never experienced Top Gear, check out the madness below as the guys see exactly how many caravans (Brit for RV) at Volvo 245 can jump at 50!
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I always see the young guys at the local supermarket struggling to move a huge row of shopping carts back to the store.
Wouldn’t it be neat to weld them together, deck it up with some decent wheels and, of course, a JATO rocket or two, a nice Recaro seat with a 6-point … er … 10-point belt, probably a roll-cage, and a family-pack of St.Christopher’s medals.
You could build a mock-up of a grocery store at the end of the course … with very fast doors … probably have to dial up the settings on it …
You’d have to fill the carts with Charmin bathroom tissue … I think you’d need lots of that … for whatever happens …
I see the biggest obstacle is getting Nomex grocery-store duds … a stitched sponsors logo would be cool!
We all know how much the boys love caravans and the way they cause horrendous traffic jams on British roads in the summertime, so I suggest that they have a go at this…Convert a normal caravan into a self-propelled vehicle! With a bit of welding and wacky customizing they could power-up a caravan and turn it into a vehicle, and then they could hook the car up behind it and tow that! In the UK cars towing caravans are regulated to 50mph, but what if the caravan was towing the car
Now we’ve seen the boys drive all kinds of contraptions on the show, everything from articulated lorries (Trucks) to double decker buses. I’ve even witnessed them plowing fields with farm tractors, but in my mind they haven’t yet done “everything”!
Let’s think of a few vehicles which are not commonly seen roaring around our streets…Milkfloats??? Oh yes, the daily pint of milk is still delivered to your door in some parts of the UK, in little pathetic electric trucks… so let’s plonk a honking V8 into one or two and get the milkrounds done in double quick time (That reminds me of a Benny Hill song about “Ernie, the fastest milkman in the west”. Google it, it’s quite funny!). Or how about ice cream vans? Can you imagine an ice cream van hurtling around a track playing that music which we all loved to hear as children, cool or what!!! Or what about forklift racing, Conga line caravan racing (Tow 5 or 6 at a time), a Backhoe race through the streets of London (Try getting the congestion charge out of one of them Boris), a two-stroke powered soapbox derby, golf cart slalom on some posh golf course (Golfing is way to slow, it’s not really a sport is it), or how about doing a proper race with 3 farm tractors hooked up to massive manure spreaders (Somebody overtaking you could really mess up your day on that one). Or how about this… just to please Mr May (Because I like him)…Take the wings off 3 small airplanes and blast them around a track (Give Stig the jet)
I could go on and on with things like this. Maybe it’s my warped British sense of humour, or maybe I’m just warped full stop, but if I can think up these off my head in the matter of minutes I’m sure that the Beeb (BBC) can come up with enough to keep us entertained well into the next century!!!
Just a final one before I shut my brain down again and let normal programing resume…A true repeat of the original Italian Job with the Topgear gang driving BMW Minis up and down stairways, through tunnels and shopping malls at breakneck speeds, and finally showing Hollywood why they should never have attempted a remake of that epic British film
Procure some of these interesting little run-abouts that the military uses for scouting and special ops. I’m think classics like the desert rat, and some of these hoped up ATV things. Add in a remote control system, get some ammunition and pyrotechnics rigged up, and then have them run through the course guided by a driving simulator! See which one can get around the course fastest, or even at all!
How about taking an Oscar Meyer weiner car to Bonneville to set a land speed record.
Great ideas all – Doug, yours has us thinking about a Weinermobile powered by a pair of blown Hemis! Of course it would have to have some Moon wheel covers just for effect!
Crash, don’t forget that Clarkson took a microcar into the BBC offices!
Back in the ’80’s there was a tv show in Holland called ‘De heilige koe’ (The holy cow) in which they did caravan races; hook up a caravan behind a Ford Taunus or a Jag V6 and do a couple of laps at Zandvoort; and ‘backing-up races’ (take a Daffodil, reverse the gearbox so you have 3 or 4 gears in reverse and again race around some circuit). It was great and quite funny to watch and the drivers loved it. And why not do it at the Spa-Francorchamps circuit for added viewing pleasure?
How about a winner take all heads up race with electric cars? I would like to see a Tesla, Aptera, Prius all going head to head in a endurance race around the track. Winner is the last car standing!
I know they test drove the Tesla but I was very dissapointed no head to head comparison with anything else.
In response to Karen’s idea… can’t forget about the Honda Insight..!! that’ll be fun to see…
Which electric car will be the last one standing..!!
Karen, you said the right word there…Prius!!! I’d pay decent money to see James May in a Prius up against Jeremy and Richard in a couple of ex-British army tanks racing around a track. Obviously mild bumping and grinding would be allowed. In fact, I’d encourage it, or possibly insist on it
Mind you, I wouldn’t want to see Mr may get hurt, just the Prius. After all, I quite like James
Since both Jeeps and Land Rovers have a past involving agriculture, see if modern era Jeeps and Land Rovers can live up to the past and plow fields.
When was the last time they put a blower on a tractor? Not just any tractor, but a Porsche Coffee Train 312.
Given how much Clarkson likes to bash Porsche, I can see him having a lot of fun with this one.
The contraption that the boys should take to Bonneville has been built. It is a 5.0 liter v-8 powered zamboni that was part of the $2007 Grassroots Motorsports Challenge. Either that or twist of Italian job suggestions above, except with hayabusa powered original minis.
Lane… The current land Rover Defender, which is no longer available in the U.S., is so closely based on the original that it could easily be adapted to plow, or mow a field for that matter. In fact, the original version came with the option of a 3 point hitch and a rear power take off. It was only a few years ago that LR removed the hole in the rear cross-member where the PTO was meant to go, and that was simply because there was little demand for it. With access to an old parts bin what you suggest could be possible within a couple of hours. In fact, as an old LR tech, I’d even offer to do the conversion for them if they’d let me keep the truck afterwards
Jay…Hayabusa powered Minis…Man, I like your way of thinking!!
Convert a caravan to a multi engine set up (like in tractor pulls) and attach it to a “driver/steering pod” of either a Mini Cooper or one of those single seat/front rear tandem seat electric/hybrid vehicles for a run at Bonneville. Maybe even take one of the multi engine tractor pull machines and change the gearing for top end instead of pulling power. What’s the current speed record for a tractor? A big engine on a snowmobile (salt shouldn’t be that much different from packed snow) could be exciting to ride. Never seen a salt rooster tail before!
I’ve always loved the Subaru Brat. It would be great to see the guys get 1000 pounds to buy and “enhance” a Brat. I see crazy amounts of added horse power, haha. Of course, many test would follow such as hauling strength, speed off the line, a demolition derby, and my personal favorite, the crash test but going backwards to see how well they have reinforced the “brat” part of the Subaru. Even though I am Tom’s wife this is completely my idea…I guess being married to him for 11 years has warped my car mind, too!