The “cone”densed version of how Gary got to where he is today.

December 2nd 2008 by Gary Faules — 6 Comments
Tagged:autocross, cone pirate, conehead, pylon

Once upon a time in a place far, far away a baby boy was “cone”ceived and his name was Gary and he as a downed “cone” baby but fortunately he was “cone”tent. He was born because his parents never learned the use of “cone”traception.

Like any other proud family with the normal “cone”cerns they kept a baby book full of photos of him.

The town he grew up in was called “Cone”necticut and got it name for obvious reasons.

In an effort to earn some extra cash his parents entered him in some baby “cone”test. As a result of winning so much cash and so much time spent on stage at many of the baby ”cone”test he did become a bit “cone”cieted.

Like any other kid his age, Gary liked toys and had quite a few but for some reason he had a fascination with a particular way of dressing up his toys???

When he was old enough his parents got him a tricycle and he began riding in search of his toys who all seemed to be hiding from him for some reason and he became “cone”cerned.

When Gary was old enough he loved going to the zoo but while other children liked watching the monkeys he had a strange fascination for other animals and nobody could figure out why.

As Gary got older and began running around with new friends his parents began to become “cone”cerned and began to wonder if what Gary had was “cone”tagious.

It was shortly after when Gary began learning about girls but at least he knew exactly what kind of gal he was looking for.

Like any other teenager who was adjusting to teen life and all that comes with it Gary decided it was time to get a car but he seemed to have some difficulty each time he attempted to take the drivers test.

Shortly thereafter and at great expense his parents he found a specialist who figured out a way to help Gary pass his test. He found that if there were no spaces between the cones that he had far better “cone”trol over the car. Gary’s favorite quote… The more the better.

But finally there comes a day when every young adult must leave the “cone”fines of his parent’s nest and go out on their own.

Fortunately Gary decided that since he wanted to “cone”tribute to society and that he wanted to further his education and with the help of his dean knew exactly where he wanted to go… Where else… USC, The University of “Cone”necticut where he lived in a “cone”dominium.

One day at college one of Gary’s buddies asked him what he liked best about college life and Gary “cone”fessed as he looked across the campus, “Now THAT’s what I’m talking bout! Check out THOSE cones!” Obviously Gary’s buddies didn’t realize what Gary was looking at.

Shortly after college Gary’s buddies hooked him up with some sorority chicks who were old enough to “cone”done however it was not meant to be. As it turned out Gary had a “cone”dition better known as C-K-I-U.

(Cone”dn’t keep it up.)

To this day, every time Gary see’s a cone his blood pressure rises (if nothing else) he gets tunnel vision and simply tries to destroy every cone he sees and has been proven by videos posted right here in The Garage. He can be seen at frat parties attempting to make others laugh as he says, “Just call me Beldar.”